Communication and Behavior Styles
This is the meat and potatoes here! These articles will help you understand your behavior and personality styles using the DISC profile
This morning I turned on Good Morning America, as I do every morning, only to be greeted yet AGAIN with the sad news of another mass shooting… this time the worst in “the history of American mass shootings”. The fact that I just typed… “the history of American mass shootings” brings a tear to my eye. We as a country and the world have faced many tragedies recently… 3 devastating hurricanes, earthquakes, volcanoes, wild fires, excessive heat warnings, floods, social and economical unrest, and now another mass shooting. As our country faces pulling together after this recent tragedy, I am paused to consider the diverse ways people respond to tragic events. You see not everyone handles tragedy the same. And that is OK! But it is helpful to understand that some will not grieve the same way you do. When we understand that we can help each other heal instead of judging.
As a coach and DISC practitioner I live for analyzing behavior patterns and solving problems. In crisis, I have seen some people rush to activism, some get to work to avoid thinking about it, some people rush to solitude, some rush to be with the people they love, some people research to find all the facts and try to make sense of it all. The point is… we all handle things differently.
Most high “D” behavior styles will pause reflect and move on. They will keep busy with things they can control and act on. They will allow themselves little downtime and little time to process. To others this may seem harsh or insensitive… but, this is just how a high “D” handles crisis.
Most high “I” behavior styles will flock to groups to be around people, some will start a fundraising effort, some will make signs or create (repeated) social media posts of support… a “we’re in this together” mentality. They may share information that is not backed by fact, but more based on emotion. To others this can seem irresponsible or rash in the respect that they can stir up emotions in others.
Most high “S” behavior styles will shelter at home… surround themselves with what is comfortable, known and familiar. They will bring their loved ones close and make sure they are OK without sharing much about their own feelings. To other this may look like they are keeping their head in the sand… and to an “S”, that is just what they want in crisis!
Most high “C” behavior styles will watch all the news stations, read articles, listen to the radio, scan social media, gather information, and some will even try to figure out a plan to “make things better” or make sense of something that may not make sense. They are looking for logic… something to solve, an answer. A high “C” will need as much information, angles and stories as they can get, even if it is upsetting to them. To others this may seem like punishment… “Why are you doing this to yourself… turn off the TV”, But they can’t.
There is no “Right” or “Wrong” way to handle tragedy… what is most important is to give people the freedom to process without judgement of how they “should” react or respond. My goal in this article is to bring to light the fact that we are all different, yet all beautiful. As we try to understand what is going on in our world… remember to give people grace… give people the space to grieve or be angry or whatever emotion comes up for them… without judgement. We will get through this. Sending love and hugs to you all!
Coach Mindy Lipsky of Innovative Coaching Services is a DISC Certified practitioner. What that means is she can offer you something not all coaches can! She can help you better understand yourself by evaluating your personality and behavior style through a DISC assessment with Mindy.
What is DISC? (you know… the boring background stuff)
DISC is a behavior assessment tool based on the DISC theory of psychologist Dr. William Marston, a professor at Columbia University in the 1920s, who was curious about the characteristics of emotions and behavior of normal people. Marston’s theory centers on four different personality traits: Dominance, Inducement (Influence), Submission (Steadiness), and Compliance (Conscientiousness).
Perceives oneself as more powerful than the environment, and perceives the environment as unfavorable. A High “D” Person places emphasis on accomplishing results, the bottom line, and confidence.
Behaviors – Sees the big picture – Can be blunt – Accepts challenges – Gets straight to the point
Perceives oneself as more powerful than the environment, and perceives the environment as favorable. A High “I” Person places emphasis on influencing or persuading others, openness, relationships. Behaviors – Shows enthusiasm – Is optimistic – Likes to collaborate – Dislikes being ignored
Perceives oneself as less powerful than the environment, and perceives the environment as favorable. A High “S” Person places emphasis on cooperation, sincerity, dependability. Behaviors – Doesn’t like to be rushed – Calm manner – Calm approach – Supportive actions – Humility
Perceives oneself as less powerful than the environment, and perceives the environment as unfavorable. A High “C” Person places emphasis on quality and accuracy, expertise, competency. Behaviors – Enjoys independence – Objective reasoning – Wants the details – Fears being wrong
Why use DISC? (now we are getting into the “what’s in it for me part”)
DISC can be used for many different reasons. A DISC assessment has been show to drastically enhance the coaching experience as well as give you practical tools for life. For Mindy’s clients, the main desirable results are building lasting customer/client relationships, enhancing communication, and creating a productive yet enjoyable work environment for yourself as a Solopreneur or Entrepreneur! All this leads to a sense of balance, more income, as well as, keeping more of what you make!
When you work with Mindy, you will not only find out what your style is, but you will learn to recognize what other people’s styles are. Therefore, you can change your approach to help communicate more effectively. Better communication leads to deeper relationships, which leads to trust, which often leads to increased sales! Best of all you can implement it immediately for immediate results!
Understanding your DISC profiles help you (and your team):
- Increase your self-knowledge of how you respond to conflict, what motivates you, what causes you stress and how you solve problems.
- Work and communicate more effectively with your team, minimize team conflict and emerge as a more effective leader.
- Develop stronger sales skills by identifying and responding to customer styles
- Manage your office work more effectively by understanding your disposition and priorities, then building systems you can relate to and accomplish with less effort.
How does DISC work?
If you choose to complete a DISC Assessment with Mindy, you will be sent an online questionnaire. Because of completing these questions, a customized DISC report will be created for you. This will tell you your dominant traits as well as which of the 15 Patterns you are helping you understand not only your style but also the impact of your style on others. If you so choose Mindy will help you go in depth with this assessment and help you make an action plan for your business (or a personal action plan if needed). The information you will find to be invaluable and can help you not only with business interactions but also help all interaction with others become more effective and meaningful.
Check out the DISC section of the Innovative Coaching Services Website for more details
Today I sort of messed up my schedule. I thought I needed to be at my first event at 10 am… well it turns out I didn’t need to be there until 3 PM. I decided instead of driving back home the 45 minute drive and then returning again, I would instead set up shop and work on other things until my 3 PM event. In usual “Mindy Style” I didn’t plan well for my meals… something I struggle with but am working on. I knew it would be good to get a solid meal in before the event, so at 12:30 I decided to go to the local Bertucci’s for a solo lunch! I didn’t hesitate because I do eat alone from time to time. The funny thing is, when I tell someone I ate at a restaurant alone they get a shocked look on their face. “What was that like??” “Did you feel weird?” Now, I’m not talking drinking a cup of coffee at Starbucks slumped over a laptop… I’m talking a full lunch in a busy restaurant alone…gasp!
Upon arriving I said “Just me” and smiled, the host only hesitated for a moment before putting back all but one menu and lead me to my table. I sat down and figured out what I wanted and decided I wasn’t going to linger on my tablet or cell phone… I was going to observe and relax for the time I was there.
So, here is what I observed-noticed:
- The older people in the restaurant were engaged in conversation, while the younger ones seemed to be on their phones. (An unfortunate sign of the times I guess). The groups seemed to be in deep conversation, leaning in.
- I was served much more quickly than the other tables with 2 or more patrons. I didn’t have the chance to ask if that is by design or if they assume you don’t want to sit alone for “too long”. The tables with groups they seemed to time the meal at a steadier pace. I don’t think they were rushing me, but wanted to make sure I was taken care of. Food came out one after the next… I think I was seated and finished in about 20 minutes!
- I was checked on constantly… almost as if they wanted to make sure I wasn’t lonely LOL!
- I noticed no one would look at me. I could see people looking around the restaurant but they seemed to skip over me… especially eye contact. Except for one little boy, who on his way out with his mother and sister stopped at my table and said, “Good Morning!” with a huge smile on his face. His mother quickly rushed him away saying don’t bother that woman. But I quite enjoyed his interaction and was glad I could say “Good Morning” back before he was out of earshot! I wondered if HE thought I might be lonely and needed a friendly hello?? I did smile at a woman across the room… but she quickly looked away.
- There was 1 other person in the restaurant eating alone… She had her tablet and phone going and never looked up even when the wait staff checked on her. I wondered… could she be that busy or is she feeling embarrassed a little to be eating alone?
So, have you ever eaten alone? How did it make you feel? I loved the fact that I got to eat all 3 rolls in the Bertucci bread basket (my absolute favorite with their seasoned oil! YUM!). I loved looking around and really seeing the décor and the people there. I was content not looking at my electronic devices and just “being”, enjoying my meal. Don’t get me wrong… I love to eat with family, friends and colleagues as well! But once in a while I think it is great to do things outside of the norm. Eating alone can be very empowering and relaxing at the same time. Give it a try and let us know how it makes you feel!
I’m sure you have heard the phrase “Fake it ‘til you make it”. If you Google the term you will find articles and blogs showing many various points of view. Some discuss how it is done, some say what a terrible idea it is, some tell a success story around it. I can see all points of view, but I have to admit when you use it in regards to mindset it can be a VERY powerful tool on your journey to success.
Over the years the interpretation has gone too far in the wrong direction at times. For example, you want to “look” successful in order to feel confident. You interpret that as being rich with lots of lavish items. So, you decide to live the life before you earned it by “faking it” buying a bunch of things on credit you can’t afford. There is a huge difference in changing your mindset by believing vs. buying! It’s one thing to exude confidence before you fully believe it. Merely “looking the part” by wearing expensive clothes, driving expensive cars, and living in a large home is not going to get you there. Success and confidence is much more than THINGS.
Even if you aren’t buying a bunch of stuff you can’t afford, you can still make “Fake it ‘til you make it” backfire and feel icky! Faking it is very different than stretching the truth or even flat out lying. Before someone will work with you or buy from you they need to Know, Like and Trust you. If you are being authentic they will know it… if you are NOT being authentic, they’ll know that too! If your confidence quest is costing you large sums of money or worse yet your integrity… it’s not going to work in the long run. Eventually your confidence will be squelched by the overwhelming reality of debt, lies catching up with you or the loss of your ability to be trusted.
How to “fake it” like a pro!
Like I have said… “Acting as if” or “Faking it ‘til you make it” is a mindset. Changing how you think will change your level of confidence. Growing your confidence is a process that doesn’t happen overnight. You need to practice. You practice by putting yourself in situations where you NEED to use confidence. Over the past year I have gone to many, many networking events. Most of these events I had to drive in places I have never been by myself depending on my GPS. Then when I arrived I would walk into a room where often times I didn’t even know one single person there. The first few times I thought my heart would jump out of my chest! But as I practiced and changed my thinking, it got easier.
Getting rid of thoughts like “what if” or “maybe” or “I hope” will help reduce doubt creeping in. Find where even a small amount of confidence lies within you and build on that. Simply saying, “I can do this” can change your outlook in a situation. Did you know fear and excitement have exactly the same physiological reaction? They do! Think of it… your heart beats faster and you may feel butterflies in your stomach. It is our mind that decides how we interpret what that feeling is. With some training you can change your interpretation of fear to excitement. Replace your negative thoughts and feelings with positive ones. When you find yourself in a negative spiral, take a deep breath and reframe it. Change the thought process to a positive one full of positive expectation. Instead of saying, “Oh gosh, I don’t know anyone here!” reframe it to “Wow, I get to meet some great new people tonight!”
From time to time, when meeting someone new in our mind we focus on what we don’t know instead of the vast catalog of what we do know and are passionate about! This can cause unnecessary angst and worry. When meeting with someone talk about what you are excited and passionate about. Tell them what you CAN do for them and feel confident about that. If you are asked about something you don’t know… say you don’t know but you will find an answer for them and get back to them. As you practice your confidence will grow and so will your knowledge base and experience. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake or even fail at something. We can learn a ton from mistakes if we take the time to see the lesson in it and grow from it.
Being able to be outwardly confident even when you aren’t feeling it is a learned skill. It takes practice. But, with practice you can step out of your comfort zone into a place of confidence and begin to grow beyond your wildest dreams! If you want tips on growing your confidence or help with this, give me a call to set up an appointment! I’m holding the door to your comfort zone open so you can step into your empowered future NOW!